Category: QPT

Esther 5:2  “So it was, when the king saw Queen Esther standing in the court, that she found favor in his sight, and the king held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand.”

Joel and I were married for 22 years.  From the moment we were married, he treated me as his Queen.  Anyone who knew us knew that Joel loved me deeply.  He placed me on a pedestal that I truly did not and do not deserve.  His pet name for me was “Queen.”   This was so much so that when Nate was in Kindergarten, the class did a craft project for Mothers’ Day one year.  They made bead necklaces with their mom’s names on it.  Mine did not read “Pat”, it read “Queen”.  Even at that early age, Nate knew that his mom was Dad’s Queen.  Pretty soon, I became the QQAL (Queen of Quite a Lot) and then when I received my ministerial credentials, I became the VRRQQAL (Very Right Reverend Queen of Quite a Lot).

Many of our friends learned that Joel called me Queen in 2004 when he first became sick.  On Monday, August 25, 2004, he came home from work around 5:30 pm with tremendous pain in his belly.  By 8:30 pm, we were on our way to the Emergency Room with an illness that became his demise.  That week was crazy, one day he was seemingly healthy and the next day on his deathbed!

On Saturday, August 30th, I left the hospital for a while to get a little rest for the afternoon. When the mail came, Joel received an envelope that seemed to have something metal inside.  It was a yellow envelope from the State of North Carolina, but you could not see inside (like you can now on these envelopes).  I took it with me back to the hospital, and showed it my very sick husband.  Joel’s dad was there also.  Joel told me to go ahead and open it, so I did.  Inside was my very first vanity license plate entitled, “QUEENPAT”.  It was such a special treat!  Joel had ordered it just for me without me knowing!  I proudly displayed it on my Blue Saturn L200 series, which is so NOT fitting of what a Queen would drive, but I didn’t care.  I was a Queen in Joel’s eyes, and that’s all that mattered!

When we knew that Joel would pass away before me, we talked about many things.  One of the things he said he did not care for was the “In memory of” in the back window of a car/truck.  So last year, when I got my new car I decided to honor Joel with a vanity plate entitled, “VRRQQAL”.  So for those who have wondered, now you know.

Even though, I know I am not a queen, I love that he thought of me that way.  Joel was a good man and a true man of God.  It is fitting that I am writing about him on the Father’s Day, 2012.  He loved his son, Nate, and he was a tremendous father and husband.  We miss him so much!  And we know Heaven is enjoying him being there!  We will see you again some day!

Psalm 139:16:  “Before I formed you in the womb, your days were numbered.”

Luke 2:49:  And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

Joel, my husband died on September 6, 2010.  We had two services for him.  One in Nashville, Tennessee and one in Wooster, Ohio.

The service in Nashville was a celebration.  It was September 9^th.  We laughed and cried and worshipped the Lord for the time that we shared Joel’s life.  Everyone who was there, well over 400 people, said they would never be the same because of the service and the impact Joel had on their lives.  I believe that several people gave their lives to Jesus for the first time and several renewed their commitment to Jesus because of Joel’s influence.

Joel’s parents asked for us to have a service in Ohio on October 9th, since some of their family could not come to Tennessee.  Because of a word God had given to me in four weeks after Joel died, I wanted to share at this service, and I did so.  And I want to share that word from God with you as well.

I was getting ready for work, and Psalm 139:16 came to my mind.  I really don’t remember ever reading the scripture before, but at some point during that week, I had seen or heard it.  It says, “Before I formed you in the womb, your days were numbered.”  In a matter of just a few seconds, God said to me that Joel’s days were 49 years and 3 weeks, and my days were still continuing.  God said He still had a plan for Nate and for me, and it was up to us to die with Joel or to live an abundant life.  In that moment, I had a choice.  And as I always have done, I chose life!  The most incredible peace entered my heart and soul like I have not known to that point, and I have had peace about Joel’s passing ever since!

Because I have always believed that happiness is a choice, I decided at that moment that I would choose to live and I would choose to live with joy!  Why in the world would someone want to join the ranks of Christianity without seeing joy in us as Christians?  Of course, we have problems and issues, but we always have the choice to have joy in our hearts.

And, what are we doing with the days we have left?  Isn’t it time for us to be about our Father’s business and to share the joy that He gives?

Psalm 37:23
:  The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way.

What do you do when your whole life is turned upside down?  In a matter of a few hours, when everything you know is suddenly different, how do you begin to think about the future?

That’s where I was on August 25, 2004.  It was a Monday and I came home

around 5:30 p.m. from work only to find my husband, Joel not feeling well.   By 8:30 p.m. we were on our way to the Emergency Room with an experience and that ended up lasting six years.

At first the doctors didn’t know why Joel was so sick.  He had an acute attack of pancreatitis.  Almost every doctor we encountered, which was many, asked if Joel was an alcoholic because 70% of pancreatitis patients are alcoholics.  The only problem with that assumption was that Joel had never tasted beer or liquor and only an ounce of wine.  He hated the idea of alcohol because of what it had done to his family.  They finally decided that he had a huge ulcer in front of his pancreas and because of its location, it was not seen on CT or MRI scans.

The next ten weeks were an exhausting whirlwind for Nate, my son who was 13 at the time and me.  I felt guilty if I was at work because I wasn’t at home with Nate or at the hospital with Joel.  I felt guilty if I was at home because I wasn’t at work or at the hospital.  I felt guilty if I was at the hospital because I wasn’t at home with Nate or at work.  If I could have multiplied myself at that time, it would have been amazing!  (However I don’t the world could have handled more than one of me!  LOL)

I am an “it is what it is” kind of girl.  Life deals us a hand, and it’s up to us to live that life in the way that would be pleasing to God; trusting that He is in control and knows everything that I am going through.  Holding on to that was the only way I got through that time in my life.

I remember one night in particular, when Nate asked me why God was doing this to us, and my response was that if God wasn’t with us, it would be so much worse.  That night we went to bed crying out the name of Jesus over and over and over.  It was the only thing we had in that moment.

The only thing I know today is that “my steps are ordered of the Lord” as it says in Psalm37:23.  And, I am stronger and happier than I have ever been.  As you follow this blog, you will learn God’s true sustaining power in the midst of traumatic times.  He truly will walk with you if you allow Him.  He wants the best for us and cares for us more than we can comprehend.

 

 

 

Exodus 17:14
  After the victory, the LORD instructed Moses, “Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder, and read it aloud to Joshua: I will erase the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”

 

Just what you wanted, another blog to read!  LOL

There have been times in my life when I didn’t feel that I had anything to say that anyone would want to hear or read.  I was not always a confident person.  As a matter of fact, in high school, I did not come out of my shell until my senior year.

Over the past couple of years, several people have said, “You should write this ‘stuff’ down.”   And for quite a while I resisted.  Finally about two weeks ago, I felt like God was leading me to sit down and put some of my thoughts about my life and experiences on paper.  Hopefully someone will read it!

So, the purpose of this blog is to share my life experience and how God has brought me through so much, including divorce and the death of a spouse.  It may be that no one except my son reads it, but if he is the only one who does read it, then it will have been worth the effort.  By the way, my son, Nate, is the apple of my eye and I love him dearly!  He is the best combination of his dad and me, and I am the proudest mom a son could have.

This verse from Exodus 17 says, “After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder…”  That’s what I want to do.  I want to be reminded of the victories that I have received from the Lord.  He has brought me so much, and remembering them builds my faith.  Hopefully by you reading it, it will also build your faith and encourage you.

So thanks for reading, and please send me your comments.  Hopefully, you will laugh, cry, be encouraged, and be blessed!